What is it to forgive? It seems to be one of the hardest things to do. In my previous post, I talked about trust. but there is no way you can trust someone without first forgiving. Forgiving isn’t an easy task especially when your traumas are used as the identifying factor of who you are. Forgiving is what is required to heal and is the very thing stopping some from healing. What I realized in my line of work as a therapist is that people don’t want to forgive.
Their traumas become their identity and if they forgive then who will they be? Sometimes the person you need to forgive is yourself I’ll explain. I remember shortly after me and my husband separated my friends started calling me a mean girl. I must admit I was a lot more snappy than I had ever been. Which got me to ask myself what was wrong.
What I realized is that I had become overly protective over my friends with new people. I made sure I expressed every little thing I didn’t want or didn’t like but in a very snappy attitude kind of way. All of this came from me feeling like my husband did the things he did because I allowed it and never mulled up the courage to take up for myself. So, now I was taking up for myself every chance that I got. See I never forgave myself for not taking up for myself I just began to take it out on others I was becoming mean. All I had to do was forgive myself.
I know you’re thinking as was I, forgive myself for what? He was the one that did this. Consider this, sometimes people really don’t know that they are causing any type of trauma to you. I know that is hard to Digest but it’s true. ask them, ask them why they do that to you. The popular response will be “I don’t know.”
In The End
You can’t make yourself responsible for others’ actions even when it’s towards you. Some think they need to have a conversation with the person. That the person will be able to give you some magical response that will take all the trauma away. When the truth is they won’t. Healing is your birthright and fortunately, you can heal from anything that happens to you if you choose to. Forgive yourself and then you will see how easy it is to forgive others.
I know your traumas are a part of who you are but they are also holding you back. It’s okay to reinvent yourself without them. Become who you truly desire to be. I know its hard to let go and forgive but you must. I don’t really know what’s best for you I can only share what has worked for me.
Wishing You The Best,
The Healing Writer!